Ok, so the last two weeks have been good. The food for the diet is.... ok. I liked it a lot the first week and then last weekend I hit a wall. I was actually gagging on the food. What changed? The food was the same but I was not liking it... at all. So it was time to get creative with all the things we're allowed to do to spice it up a little.
It didn't help.
I think I'm over the worst of it, I mean, I am able to get the food down and hey, I've lost 15 pounds so far (9 the first week and 6 more I learned tonight at my weekly class). So I'm feeling really good.
A few more pounds and I'm gonna need some new clothes, woohooooo!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The One on the Eve of Something Life Altering
As I predicted silently when I started the blog, I've been a slacker. No post in over year, nice. But it's been a good year. The kiddo turned 9 and is as funny as ever. I'm still at the church, though doing something slightly different than when I first started. Was in a car accident last summer, and lost my dream car because of it. My theater addiction is in desperate need of a fix, I only did one show last year and I have nothing on the horizon sadly. Made it through the dating world alive and with a wonderful boyfriend to show for it. And I'm getting ready to start a weight loss program tomorrow. Life is good.
Ok, so about this weight loss....
I've always been fat. Well, since I hit puberty at the age of 10... so yeah, always. And even though weight is an issue, I've always thought of myself as pretty, sometimes beautiful. And it's not just me, if I had a dollar for overtime I've heard "But you have such a pretty face..." Yes, thank you, I'm fat, I understand. But I like my look, I love my eyes and I have a great smile and after many years of hating them, I've even come to terms with all my freckles. It's just time to loose the fat. All through high school and college I was a steady size 16 to 18, just on the other side of being able to shop in regular stores. As I've gotten older I've definitely been bigger than I am now, thanks to pregnancy and an unhealthy marriage. I'm glad to say that today is not the biggest I've ever been. I'm a big woman, I'm tall and I have broad shoulders and big feet and I've had to wear a bra since 4th grade. I'm never going to be a "skinny girl" and I don't want to be, I just want to look and feel better than I do. I want to be able to shop wherever. I want to go to Victoria's Secret for more than just perfume. I want to be able to climb stairs without getting out of breath. I want my daughter to be proud of me, not embarrassed because I'm fat (which she isn't but it's a fear of mine for the future). I don't want people to look at me and assume something about me because of my weight. I'm tired of being the fat girl.
So, I'm starting a medically supervised diet. I go tonight for the start up class and will begin the program tomorrow morning. I'm so excited! I'm really ready and I'm not going to fail! It's great because I had to meet with a nurse, get blood work done and then meet with the doctor (who interned with my grandfather, very cool). The great news is my blood work is great! I don't have any risk factors going on there, thank goodness. My blood pressure is high and that is a concern, but they feel that weight loss will dramatically change that. So because of my age and the fact that my blood work is so good, they don't think I'll need as much supervision as someone with my BMI should. My plan is to loose 60 pounds by June 7, 2012
So here are my starting stats today, January 18, 2012:
35 year old woman, 5'9"
246 pounds (I've never told anyone my weight)
BMI of 37
Blood pressure 170/90 (I told you it was high)
Here goes!!!
Ok, so about this weight loss....
I've always been fat. Well, since I hit puberty at the age of 10... so yeah, always. And even though weight is an issue, I've always thought of myself as pretty, sometimes beautiful. And it's not just me, if I had a dollar for overtime I've heard "But you have such a pretty face..." Yes, thank you, I'm fat, I understand. But I like my look, I love my eyes and I have a great smile and after many years of hating them, I've even come to terms with all my freckles. It's just time to loose the fat. All through high school and college I was a steady size 16 to 18, just on the other side of being able to shop in regular stores. As I've gotten older I've definitely been bigger than I am now, thanks to pregnancy and an unhealthy marriage. I'm glad to say that today is not the biggest I've ever been. I'm a big woman, I'm tall and I have broad shoulders and big feet and I've had to wear a bra since 4th grade. I'm never going to be a "skinny girl" and I don't want to be, I just want to look and feel better than I do. I want to be able to shop wherever. I want to go to Victoria's Secret for more than just perfume. I want to be able to climb stairs without getting out of breath. I want my daughter to be proud of me, not embarrassed because I'm fat (which she isn't but it's a fear of mine for the future). I don't want people to look at me and assume something about me because of my weight. I'm tired of being the fat girl.
So, I'm starting a medically supervised diet. I go tonight for the start up class and will begin the program tomorrow morning. I'm so excited! I'm really ready and I'm not going to fail! It's great because I had to meet with a nurse, get blood work done and then meet with the doctor (who interned with my grandfather, very cool). The great news is my blood work is great! I don't have any risk factors going on there, thank goodness. My blood pressure is high and that is a concern, but they feel that weight loss will dramatically change that. So because of my age and the fact that my blood work is so good, they don't think I'll need as much supervision as someone with my BMI should. My plan is to loose 60 pounds by June 7, 2012
So here are my starting stats today, January 18, 2012:
35 year old woman, 5'9"
246 pounds (I've never told anyone my weight)
BMI of 37
Blood pressure 170/90 (I told you it was high)
Here goes!!!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The One With the Kiddo's First Sleep Over Party
It's a few minutes after midnight and I can still hear whispering and giggling coming from my living room. The light to the hall bathroom is on and my bedroom door is wide open. I can't sleep, not til I know they are sleeping first. I'm sure everyone will be fine, but it feels oddly irresponsible to be the only adult in the house and to fall asleep before the four 8 year olds do.
This was a fun night :) I didn't think we would have anyone show up at all, everyone invited seemed to be busy or out of town. So I was pleasantly surprised when more than just the one I had expected showed up (and extremely thankful it wasn't more than 4 including the babydoll). My mom came over to help, the ex brought the pizza and cake, and one of the mom's (a close friend) stayed for a while as well. We ate, opened presents and played Just Dance on the Wii for quite a long time. When they were all red faced and out of breath after Just Dance 2 it was time for popcorn and "The Princess Bride". I have to say it made me proud and happy that they all chose and wanted to watch one of my favorite movies (and that they could recite all the lines too). I sat and watched them tonight and was reminded of all the sleep over parties from my childhood and it made me smile. It made my heart happy to see my daughter play with her friends and listen to them giggle as the lights were turned off. It made me miss being a kid.
So in the morning I shall make breakfast and send them on their way, sincerely thanking them for coming and sharing an evening with us (even the one who just came into my room and complained that she couldn't sleep on the floor because it was too hard. Yeah, had to remind her she willingly gave up the love seat, too bad). And now I think I will turn off the lights and wait for the silence.... I haven't heard any giggling for a few minutes :)
MandaMadge
This was a fun night :) I didn't think we would have anyone show up at all, everyone invited seemed to be busy or out of town. So I was pleasantly surprised when more than just the one I had expected showed up (and extremely thankful it wasn't more than 4 including the babydoll). My mom came over to help, the ex brought the pizza and cake, and one of the mom's (a close friend) stayed for a while as well. We ate, opened presents and played Just Dance on the Wii for quite a long time. When they were all red faced and out of breath after Just Dance 2 it was time for popcorn and "The Princess Bride". I have to say it made me proud and happy that they all chose and wanted to watch one of my favorite movies (and that they could recite all the lines too). I sat and watched them tonight and was reminded of all the sleep over parties from my childhood and it made me smile. It made my heart happy to see my daughter play with her friends and listen to them giggle as the lights were turned off. It made me miss being a kid.
So in the morning I shall make breakfast and send them on their way, sincerely thanking them for coming and sharing an evening with us (even the one who just came into my room and complained that she couldn't sleep on the floor because it was too hard. Yeah, had to remind her she willingly gave up the love seat, too bad). And now I think I will turn off the lights and wait for the silence.... I haven't heard any giggling for a few minutes :)
MandaMadge
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The One with My Funny Kiddo
So, my kid makes me smile daily, several times daily in fact. I have said this many times, but every time I do, it becomes more and more true... I take JOY in her. She's kind, cares about others, is polite, well behaved (and that takes work people, you don't just pop out a well behaved kid) and smart. But the thing about her that is my favorite is that she says what she's thinking and it's usually quite humorous. This morning she tells me that she had a dream about getting her ears pierced, that "I've been wanting this my whole life, since I was 6 years old!" If that doesn't make you smile, I don't know what will. So now we're all about ear piercing. It's my plan to get ours pierced together, a mother daughter bonding thing. My mother never allowed me to get mine done and I have spent my life in search of cute clip on earrings, sneering in jealousy at all the fantastically fun pierced earrings that I can not wear. Needless to say, I don't wish the same upon my daughter. Anyway, I wanted to jot down some of the things she has said recently, for fun and make it a post, so here goes:
After going to the pool, we came home to eat but still in our bathing suits she says "Mommy can you turn off the air? I'm shivering me timbers."
When she got startled whilst playing hide and seek with a friend, "You scared me to heaven!
After summer clothes shopping one day "Awwww Mommy, we didn't get anything for you." That one's not funny, but I had to include it because it was so dang sweet.
This one speaks for itself, "Mommy, I have a SPLENDID idea! We should watch Tarzan while we eat dinner!"
After bumping a loose tooth and putting it in an awkward position, "It's my vampire tooth."
In hopes of riding in the new convertible with the top down, "I've been watching the news. The severe thunderstorm has moved to Alabama, so we're good. No rain in sight."
When she loses her train of thought, "Oh I lost my mind!"
What she said when I called to check in after school one day, "She's (my mom) still at school, Grandad is outside and I'm inside. But I'm behaving myself. I'm watching TV, helloooo."
I didn't hear her calling me until she screamed my name from the other end of the house, "I had to use my ugly voice because you were not listening to me."
After going to the pool, we came home to eat but still in our bathing suits she says "Mommy can you turn off the air? I'm shivering me timbers."
When she got startled whilst playing hide and seek with a friend, "You scared me to heaven!
After summer clothes shopping one day "Awwww Mommy, we didn't get anything for you." That one's not funny, but I had to include it because it was so dang sweet.
This one speaks for itself, "Mommy, I have a SPLENDID idea! We should watch Tarzan while we eat dinner!"
After bumping a loose tooth and putting it in an awkward position, "It's my vampire tooth."
In hopes of riding in the new convertible with the top down, "I've been watching the news. The severe thunderstorm has moved to Alabama, so we're good. No rain in sight."
When she loses her train of thought, "Oh I lost my mind!"
What she said when I called to check in after school one day, "She's (my mom) still at school, Grandad is outside and I'm inside. But I'm behaving myself. I'm watching TV, helloooo."
I didn't hear her calling me until she screamed my name from the other end of the house, "I had to use my ugly voice because you were not listening to me."
After she took a big bite of something she didn't like, "I'm going to go ahead and swallow this since it's already in my mouth." (She has had a habit of spitting out or throwing up food she doesn't like)
There are so many other things that she has said and done that are absolutely priceless, so stay tuned for future posts like this one. Even now I'm reading over all these and laughing. I hope you enjoyed it as well.
MandaMadge :)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The One With The Unfinished Post from Last Year
So, I was diving deeper into my blog account just now and found this lovely little gem that should have been my first blog but apparently I never finished. Typical :) I'm posting it now just for fun. Oh what a difference a year and a half can make, man oh man.
"Yesterday morning... ahhhh... it felt good, no it felt invigorating to be out trying to get a job. I've been home for the last 4 and a half years being a mom and running my in home child care. But with the economy the way it is, big bad day care is cheaper than smaller in home settings and my waiting list quickly shrank to zero almost as fast as my current clientele's mass exit. So, it's back to the trenches for me! And I'm thrilled to be going back! But where does a former teacher who has an expired teaching license from a different state find a job in the middle of the school year? Better yet, where does a former Elementary School teacher find a job when she wants to teach Preschool, which is a different degree all together? My first thought was that I can substitute teach, ugh, until the end of the school year while getting all my certifications up to date for the fall. Not the most desirable situation, but it's work. And then I thought of Head Start.... an organization that is just cool to its very core. If you are not familiar, look it up, it truly is wonderful. So after some investigating I discover Head Start has 1 Teacher position that they are currently wanting to fill... application submitted!
Yesterday I got dressed in my black slacks and grey turtleneck sweater, my new favorite outfit, threw on the black beads and worried that I might be over dressing for an agency that helps low income families. I thought to myself, "I'll get there a little early and watch people go in, if they are not dressed up, I will lose the beads." Grabbed my new favorite purse, it's purple :) and took my daughter to school on the way to my interview, which in and of itself felt great since I never get to take her to school. After dropping off the kiddo, I decided I definitely had time for Starbucks... Grande Non Fat Vanilla Latte with only two pumps of Vanilla in my purple travel coffee mug, please! So now I'm feeling good, ready to sell myself to the Head Start people!
I get there and the interview went great! They loved that I have been running a child care in my home, but most people are amazed by that, not to toot my own horn.... you know what, no I think I will toot away! Taking care of other people's children is hard work and I have to say I rock at it. I can change a diaper a minute, yes I timed myself once... when you're the only adult at home all day, you think of things like that, don't judge me :) I can sing any kiddie song you can think of, I know all the Backyardigans characters and love them, I can get any child to take a nap and like it, and I know the importance of getting on the floor and letting the kids climb all over you every once in a while. Ok, back to the interview...."
And that's all I wrote for that entry. This was last year, January of 09. Well, I got the job and then began 4 of hardest months of my life. I didn't know at the time, but this particular classroom full of kids had already managed to run off 2 full time teachers and countless assistants. Now, I can't blame that all on the kids, they were pretty awful but the supervisor, whose office was actually in the classroom, was the WORST boss I have ever had in my life. She hated me the moment she laid eyes on me and made my working days miserable. I lived for the days when she went to another facility and I had the freedom to be the teacher. I would pull my car into the parking lot each day praying hers wasn't. She was horrible. However, she didn't know who she was dealing with, a damn fine teacher who loves the difficult kids because they are more fun, who cared for them genuinely, and didn't want them to think another teacher had quit on them... add that to the fact that I'm incredibly stubborn and knowing that it chapped her ass that I wasn't going to leave gave me all the fuel I needed. I know it may seem petty and childish, but it does make me hold my head a little higher knowing that Ms. Piggee (yes it's pronounced "Piggy", I dare you not to giggle when you say that out loud) didn't win. Or as my 92 year old grandmother said when I told her about my poor excuse for a superior "Did you say Moi?!"
"Yesterday morning... ahhhh... it felt good, no it felt invigorating to be out trying to get a job. I've been home for the last 4 and a half years being a mom and running my in home child care. But with the economy the way it is, big bad day care is cheaper than smaller in home settings and my waiting list quickly shrank to zero almost as fast as my current clientele's mass exit. So, it's back to the trenches for me! And I'm thrilled to be going back! But where does a former teacher who has an expired teaching license from a different state find a job in the middle of the school year? Better yet, where does a former Elementary School teacher find a job when she wants to teach Preschool, which is a different degree all together? My first thought was that I can substitute teach, ugh, until the end of the school year while getting all my certifications up to date for the fall. Not the most desirable situation, but it's work. And then I thought of Head Start.... an organization that is just cool to its very core. If you are not familiar, look it up, it truly is wonderful. So after some investigating I discover Head Start has 1 Teacher position that they are currently wanting to fill... application submitted!
Yesterday I got dressed in my black slacks and grey turtleneck sweater, my new favorite outfit, threw on the black beads and worried that I might be over dressing for an agency that helps low income families. I thought to myself, "I'll get there a little early and watch people go in, if they are not dressed up, I will lose the beads." Grabbed my new favorite purse, it's purple :) and took my daughter to school on the way to my interview, which in and of itself felt great since I never get to take her to school. After dropping off the kiddo, I decided I definitely had time for Starbucks... Grande Non Fat Vanilla Latte with only two pumps of Vanilla in my purple travel coffee mug, please! So now I'm feeling good, ready to sell myself to the Head Start people!
I get there and the interview went great! They loved that I have been running a child care in my home, but most people are amazed by that, not to toot my own horn.... you know what, no I think I will toot away! Taking care of other people's children is hard work and I have to say I rock at it. I can change a diaper a minute, yes I timed myself once... when you're the only adult at home all day, you think of things like that, don't judge me :) I can sing any kiddie song you can think of, I know all the Backyardigans characters and love them, I can get any child to take a nap and like it, and I know the importance of getting on the floor and letting the kids climb all over you every once in a while. Ok, back to the interview...."
And that's all I wrote for that entry. This was last year, January of 09. Well, I got the job and then began 4 of hardest months of my life. I didn't know at the time, but this particular classroom full of kids had already managed to run off 2 full time teachers and countless assistants. Now, I can't blame that all on the kids, they were pretty awful but the supervisor, whose office was actually in the classroom, was the WORST boss I have ever had in my life. She hated me the moment she laid eyes on me and made my working days miserable. I lived for the days when she went to another facility and I had the freedom to be the teacher. I would pull my car into the parking lot each day praying hers wasn't. She was horrible. However, she didn't know who she was dealing with, a damn fine teacher who loves the difficult kids because they are more fun, who cared for them genuinely, and didn't want them to think another teacher had quit on them... add that to the fact that I'm incredibly stubborn and knowing that it chapped her ass that I wasn't going to leave gave me all the fuel I needed. I know it may seem petty and childish, but it does make me hold my head a little higher knowing that Ms. Piggee (yes it's pronounced "Piggy", I dare you not to giggle when you say that out loud) didn't win. Or as my 92 year old grandmother said when I told her about my poor excuse for a superior "Did you say Moi?!"
Friday, June 4, 2010
The One with the Birthday Party
Tonight I took the kiddo to a birthday party. The main event was a magic show, but before it started we had pizza and cake. It was a pretty big crowd of kids, several adults stayed but we were definitely outnumbered. A couple things that happened during the the dinner hour bothered me...
First, when did 9 year olds start carrying purses and cell phones?! My daughter will be 8 this year and I'm still not sure she's ready to get her ears pierced and some of these little girls were yappin away on their phones during the party! I am so not OK with this. Along with that, not 2 minutes after the party goers were told that they were not allowed outside the building (several kids had been awanderin without an adult) one of these little divas just trotted her little self right out the front door to talk on her phone. Well, this rule follower/former teacher trotted herself out the door to haul the diva back inside, I don't care if your parent is at the party or not.
Second, and maybe this is just a sign that I'm getting old, but could they have been any louder? After they had finished eating, (it doesn't take an hour to eat a slice of pizza and piece of cake) the kids got up to play since no other activities were planned. These kids were literally screaming and running around like maniacs. I've worked with children for more than half my life and I don't think I have ever seen anything quite like it. I felt like I should have had my ear plugs that I use when I go to concerts in small venues. I had to strongly resist the urge to flip the light switch and make everyone put their heads on their desk, uh the tables, and be quiet for 5 minutes. I mean, it's a party after all, I gotta lighten up.
OK, so onto the magic show... if I had been the parent of some of these kids I would've been embarrassed. I can say that because, toward the end of the show I did go over to my own child and the little girl next to her and threatened them with the "Do both of you need to come sit with me because you are being rude to Mr. Magician?" Not that my kiddo is perfectly behaved all the time, but she is a bit of a follower and saw that everyone around her was acting up so she gave in to temptation. I guess I'm just cut from a different cloth, even when I was in school growing up and we had substitute teachers I never gave them a hard time and was always irritated with my classmates for being disrespectful. I have always felt that if someone has the courage to stand in front of you to speak, ESPECIALLY if it's their job and livelihood, you should listen. Whether it's to educate, entertain or some other purpose you should shut your hole and listen when someone stands up to speak. It's frustrating because I know I'm unique in my thinking, especially when I see that people aren't teaching their children to have respect for people in that way.
And just when I was losing hope for the future of showing respect to others... we go to the grocery store after the party to get a couple of things. Close to the check out is this great model train set up and the kiddo always likes to go over and look at it. Tonight was no different and I let her go over to look while I scan our groceries. I look up as she gets to it and the train is gone, the case is still there, but it's completely empty. And here's where my hope is renewed... there was another little girl standing at the empty case, too and when she saw the babydoll's disappointment she reached over and put her arm around my daughter and said "it's OK". It was so sweet and made me smile. I walked over to the girl's mother and told her how nice it was to see a child who cared for others around her. She laughed and said, "Well that's unusual!" Whether or not is was, I don't care. It was nice to see and I sure needed to see it!
Night :)
P.S. Just for fun, I'm going to title my posts like episodes from FRIENDS, my favorite tv show of all time!
First, when did 9 year olds start carrying purses and cell phones?! My daughter will be 8 this year and I'm still not sure she's ready to get her ears pierced and some of these little girls were yappin away on their phones during the party! I am so not OK with this. Along with that, not 2 minutes after the party goers were told that they were not allowed outside the building (several kids had been awanderin without an adult) one of these little divas just trotted her little self right out the front door to talk on her phone. Well, this rule follower/former teacher trotted herself out the door to haul the diva back inside, I don't care if your parent is at the party or not.
Second, and maybe this is just a sign that I'm getting old, but could they have been any louder? After they had finished eating, (it doesn't take an hour to eat a slice of pizza and piece of cake) the kids got up to play since no other activities were planned. These kids were literally screaming and running around like maniacs. I've worked with children for more than half my life and I don't think I have ever seen anything quite like it. I felt like I should have had my ear plugs that I use when I go to concerts in small venues. I had to strongly resist the urge to flip the light switch and make everyone put their heads on their desk, uh the tables, and be quiet for 5 minutes. I mean, it's a party after all, I gotta lighten up.
OK, so onto the magic show... if I had been the parent of some of these kids I would've been embarrassed. I can say that because, toward the end of the show I did go over to my own child and the little girl next to her and threatened them with the "Do both of you need to come sit with me because you are being rude to Mr. Magician?" Not that my kiddo is perfectly behaved all the time, but she is a bit of a follower and saw that everyone around her was acting up so she gave in to temptation. I guess I'm just cut from a different cloth, even when I was in school growing up and we had substitute teachers I never gave them a hard time and was always irritated with my classmates for being disrespectful. I have always felt that if someone has the courage to stand in front of you to speak, ESPECIALLY if it's their job and livelihood, you should listen. Whether it's to educate, entertain or some other purpose you should shut your hole and listen when someone stands up to speak. It's frustrating because I know I'm unique in my thinking, especially when I see that people aren't teaching their children to have respect for people in that way.
And just when I was losing hope for the future of showing respect to others... we go to the grocery store after the party to get a couple of things. Close to the check out is this great model train set up and the kiddo always likes to go over and look at it. Tonight was no different and I let her go over to look while I scan our groceries. I look up as she gets to it and the train is gone, the case is still there, but it's completely empty. And here's where my hope is renewed... there was another little girl standing at the empty case, too and when she saw the babydoll's disappointment she reached over and put her arm around my daughter and said "it's OK". It was so sweet and made me smile. I walked over to the girl's mother and told her how nice it was to see a child who cared for others around her. She laughed and said, "Well that's unusual!" Whether or not is was, I don't care. It was nice to see and I sure needed to see it!
Night :)
P.S. Just for fun, I'm going to title my posts like episodes from FRIENDS, my favorite tv show of all time!
Monday, May 24, 2010
I think it's finally time...
I've had this account for a while. Up until now I've only used it to read other blogs, thinking maybe one day I would have something interesting or significant enough to say that others may want to read. Well... it's not that I'm uninteresting or insignificant, but if that's what I'm waiting for, I may never post a single thing.
A little about me before I post what I really need to get off my chest today: I'm a mom, first and foremost, to a wonderful 7 year old daughter who is the light of my life. She, for all intents and purposes, will be referred to as "the kiddo" or "babydoll" from here on out. No offense, but I don't now y'all from Adam, so you don't get the kiddo's real name. OK, back to me... I'm recently divorced and happy to be so, no need for pity or judgment. I currently work in the office at my church, it was not the career path that I thought i would take, but it came along last year at a time when I needed a job and needed the serenity so for now it's what I do, and that is OK. I'm the middle of 3 sisters, a fact that always made me feel different for whatever reason. And... I can't think of a "lastly", so I'm moving on.
I've had a busy couple of weeks and Sunday, my precipice for writing today, was the climax. So here goes...
Sunday was... wow. I woke up with a headache and not a single Advil to be found. I would've have just stayed in bed, but I was singing in church so I dragged my butt outta bed. The headache turned into a full blown migraine, complete with waves of nausea, good times. I made it through church and then to the closest Walgreen's where I proceeded to down half a bottle of Advil and a Sprite. A salad was the only food choice that did not make me want to vomit just thinking about it and luckily I had time to pick one up and get to the theater to eat in the green room before I had to start getting ready for the show (I will post about my theater addiction at a later date).
So, food consumed and headache under control, I start the hair and make-up process. We're all backstage in various stages of getting ready and we realize one girl is missing. Now just to fill you in, the show is called "Five Women Wearing the Same Dress" and it's about 5 identically clad bridesmaids. The title states how many women are in the show, I think someone would notice if there were only four. The stage manager starts calling her, 3 times, no answer. Time to panic. The president of the board for the theater, of which I am the secretary, just happened to be in the lobby serving as house manager. She's about the same size as the MIA bridesmaid, let's just see if this will work. We get her into the dress, grab the shoes, slap some make-up on her, and shove a script in her hand while the director goes out to give the curtain speech, "The role of Tricia will now be played by..."
We make it through the first act, a few blocking issues but hey gotta cut the girl some slack, she's reading the lines cold from the book in her hand, trying to follow the stage directions, I can adapt. Walk off stage and look who decided to grace us with her presence. However, she is a big ol' blubbery mess and can't get it together. Excuse me if I don't feel sorry for you because you're upset with yourself about forgetting we had a show today, the rest of us were here. And now because we started late it is highly possible that I'm going to miss my daughter's dance recital. No sympathy from this bridesmaid.
The second act goes well enough, bows, applause, presentation of a plaque to the director, this is the last show after all, and I hall ass back stage, stripping as I go. I had texted my ex-husband when I was backstage earlier, 6 more acts before the kiddo dances and that was a good 10 minutes ago. I just might make it! I sprint to my car, peel out of the parking lot passing several friends who are standing outside after the show (didn't get to thank them for coming), race down the street to the theater where the recital is being held, park in the garage, run up 3 flights of stairs (could my legs feel any heavier, am I running through marsh or something?!) get into the auditorium to see my babydoll... walking off the stage. I walk defeated to the bathroom to catch my breath, wipe the sweat from my head (which has started to hurt again) and try to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. She has to think you saw her dance, she can't know you missed it, at least you were at the dress rehearsal, come on Amanda, get it together.
I meet up with my mom, "Did you make it?" "Nope." My ex "I'm so sorry you missed it" and his parents... silence. Judgment oozing, I divorced their perfect son and now I'm a horrible mother (yes I'm being sarcastic). Oh well, let's all go eat dinner together at Cracker Barrel!!! Screw it, pass the biscuits and the cornbread. We make it through dinner, they ARE my child's grandparents after all, and they know I'm not going to let them mess with my relationship with my daughter, everyone played nice and we part ways. They are in town until Tuesday so the kiddo goes with them and I head back downtown to "Jesus Christ Superstar" rehearsal (in my church clothes because I didn't pack any casual clothes, yay). This is when I kick myself, and believe me there has been lots of kicking over this, for not only doing a show that coincided with the kiddo's recital (and would have worked out fine had SOMEONE been on time to the show), but for doing two shows at once, again my theater addiction post will be coming soon, stayed tuned. Anyway, I trudge through rehearsal, each minute my eyelids getting heavier and heavier, but I gotta keep dancing "Christ you know I love you. Did you see I waved?"
I finally get home and head straight for the shower, shedding clothes as I walk for the second time that day. I don't even have the energy to shampoo my hair or soap up. I just let the hot water run. I stand there thinking about my day and how pissed I am about how it all went down. I climb into bed exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. Being alone sucks. But I think about something my friend Dustin (a fellow Thespian) said once and I realize I'm very fortunate. I'm fortunate to have a job and a roof over my head. I'm fortunate to get to do something that I love. So many people would love to sing and dance and act, and I get to. So many people long to be parents and aren't, for whatever reason, and I have been blessed with a wonderful daughter. Yes, being alone sucks, but having the courage to say I don't deserve to be miserable anymore and changing my life so drastically that I don't recognize it at times is an amazing feeling.
Well, if you made it this far, you deserve my gratitude. Thank you for reading. This has been very empowering and fun. This, my first blog, will most certainly not be my last. Stay tuned!
MandaMadge
A little about me before I post what I really need to get off my chest today: I'm a mom, first and foremost, to a wonderful 7 year old daughter who is the light of my life. She, for all intents and purposes, will be referred to as "the kiddo" or "babydoll" from here on out. No offense, but I don't now y'all from Adam, so you don't get the kiddo's real name. OK, back to me... I'm recently divorced and happy to be so, no need for pity or judgment. I currently work in the office at my church, it was not the career path that I thought i would take, but it came along last year at a time when I needed a job and needed the serenity so for now it's what I do, and that is OK. I'm the middle of 3 sisters, a fact that always made me feel different for whatever reason. And... I can't think of a "lastly", so I'm moving on.
I've had a busy couple of weeks and Sunday, my precipice for writing today, was the climax. So here goes...
Sunday was... wow. I woke up with a headache and not a single Advil to be found. I would've have just stayed in bed, but I was singing in church so I dragged my butt outta bed. The headache turned into a full blown migraine, complete with waves of nausea, good times. I made it through church and then to the closest Walgreen's where I proceeded to down half a bottle of Advil and a Sprite. A salad was the only food choice that did not make me want to vomit just thinking about it and luckily I had time to pick one up and get to the theater to eat in the green room before I had to start getting ready for the show (I will post about my theater addiction at a later date).
So, food consumed and headache under control, I start the hair and make-up process. We're all backstage in various stages of getting ready and we realize one girl is missing. Now just to fill you in, the show is called "Five Women Wearing the Same Dress" and it's about 5 identically clad bridesmaids. The title states how many women are in the show, I think someone would notice if there were only four. The stage manager starts calling her, 3 times, no answer. Time to panic. The president of the board for the theater, of which I am the secretary, just happened to be in the lobby serving as house manager. She's about the same size as the MIA bridesmaid, let's just see if this will work. We get her into the dress, grab the shoes, slap some make-up on her, and shove a script in her hand while the director goes out to give the curtain speech, "The role of Tricia will now be played by..."
We make it through the first act, a few blocking issues but hey gotta cut the girl some slack, she's reading the lines cold from the book in her hand, trying to follow the stage directions, I can adapt. Walk off stage and look who decided to grace us with her presence. However, she is a big ol' blubbery mess and can't get it together. Excuse me if I don't feel sorry for you because you're upset with yourself about forgetting we had a show today, the rest of us were here. And now because we started late it is highly possible that I'm going to miss my daughter's dance recital. No sympathy from this bridesmaid.
The second act goes well enough, bows, applause, presentation of a plaque to the director, this is the last show after all, and I hall ass back stage, stripping as I go. I had texted my ex-husband when I was backstage earlier, 6 more acts before the kiddo dances and that was a good 10 minutes ago. I just might make it! I sprint to my car, peel out of the parking lot passing several friends who are standing outside after the show (didn't get to thank them for coming), race down the street to the theater where the recital is being held, park in the garage, run up 3 flights of stairs (could my legs feel any heavier, am I running through marsh or something?!) get into the auditorium to see my babydoll... walking off the stage. I walk defeated to the bathroom to catch my breath, wipe the sweat from my head (which has started to hurt again) and try to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. She has to think you saw her dance, she can't know you missed it, at least you were at the dress rehearsal, come on Amanda, get it together.
I meet up with my mom, "Did you make it?" "Nope." My ex "I'm so sorry you missed it" and his parents... silence. Judgment oozing, I divorced their perfect son and now I'm a horrible mother (yes I'm being sarcastic). Oh well, let's all go eat dinner together at Cracker Barrel!!! Screw it, pass the biscuits and the cornbread. We make it through dinner, they ARE my child's grandparents after all, and they know I'm not going to let them mess with my relationship with my daughter, everyone played nice and we part ways. They are in town until Tuesday so the kiddo goes with them and I head back downtown to "Jesus Christ Superstar" rehearsal (in my church clothes because I didn't pack any casual clothes, yay). This is when I kick myself, and believe me there has been lots of kicking over this, for not only doing a show that coincided with the kiddo's recital (and would have worked out fine had SOMEONE been on time to the show), but for doing two shows at once, again my theater addiction post will be coming soon, stayed tuned. Anyway, I trudge through rehearsal, each minute my eyelids getting heavier and heavier, but I gotta keep dancing "Christ you know I love you. Did you see I waved?"
I finally get home and head straight for the shower, shedding clothes as I walk for the second time that day. I don't even have the energy to shampoo my hair or soap up. I just let the hot water run. I stand there thinking about my day and how pissed I am about how it all went down. I climb into bed exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. Being alone sucks. But I think about something my friend Dustin (a fellow Thespian) said once and I realize I'm very fortunate. I'm fortunate to have a job and a roof over my head. I'm fortunate to get to do something that I love. So many people would love to sing and dance and act, and I get to. So many people long to be parents and aren't, for whatever reason, and I have been blessed with a wonderful daughter. Yes, being alone sucks, but having the courage to say I don't deserve to be miserable anymore and changing my life so drastically that I don't recognize it at times is an amazing feeling.
Well, if you made it this far, you deserve my gratitude. Thank you for reading. This has been very empowering and fun. This, my first blog, will most certainly not be my last. Stay tuned!
MandaMadge
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)